snow all summer

bliss

2008-12-09T06:54:00.000-08:00

The world feels beautiful today. When I woke up this morning I felt high. But it wasn't that. It was just that I was happy. I slept soundly and had peaceful dreams. I woke up rested and smiling and not depressed or stressed. A lot has been going on lately and the stress has felt overwhelming.
I'm not someone who can just let things go and allow other people to take care of it but lately a lot of things have been out of my control. I feel like I may have released some of that last night. I woke up feeling... blissful. I just have to say it's amazing.

fallen like leaves

2008-12-04T05:38:00.000-08:00

There are days (like yesterday) when I wonder why I continue to restrict myself the way I do. No one is making the rules for me. No one is taking anything away from me. In fact I think the whole world would like me better if I gave up this crusade. And there are days, when the stress overwhelms me and I smell familiar comfort foods of my childhood and think 'Why cant I have some? Who will stop me?'
The truth is no one will. As proven by a relatively enormous slip yesterday. I can eat whatever I want. I'm an adult with no one watching over me and my conscience is the only thing that stops me from doing wrong and negative things. I wonder then, why my conscience fails me on occasions like yesterday. How have I allowed the world around me and the stress of the last month to harden my conscience to the point where stopping to eat some carcass wouldn't bother me?
For anyone, whatever their convictions may be, how do we stop ourselves when we are tempted to do wrong. And what is it that silences that voice when we decide to throw our convictions aside and sin?
How, I have not yet figured out, but I propose to try and soften my conscience again. I will begin a journey on towards the soft heart of a child. Even if I don't quite make it, I will be much better off than I am now.

On intention

2008-11-20T05:09:00.000-08:00

I feel compelled to consider the kinds of feelings I throw out into the world every day. With the chaos of daily survival my thoughts and feelings have been painfully stressed, angry and impatient. Now, I am not certain that some cosmic accumulation of every beings intentions and feelings exists. But, I do know that the emotions I project affect the circle of people closest to me. So today I shed fear, anger, stress, and irritation and begin to fill my intentions with peace, love and compassion.
I fear that more and more of us are being raised on a constant high level of stress, which makes us cling to our unhappy feelings. Surrounded by such negativity I fully expect to have moments of failure in the beginning. But this will make a difference in my life and the life of anyone who is close to me.
So from this morning I go in peace. toward love. with compassion.

summers first snow

2008-11-19T06:00:00.000-08:00

I've decided to start a blog away from the common social networking sites. Here, no one will know who I am or what is happening in my life except what I decide to talk about. I'm going to try to do new things and be inspired with fresh feelings and flavors to share with these (web)pages and whomever stumbles upon this little journal. Right now, breakfast.